Who here believes that Ellen Is the most brilliant comedian ever to walk the stage? If you don't raise your hand in complete compliance, leave this blog now.
OK, OK, I am not that mean, but at least respect that I think she is brilliant. Her delivery, her thought process, everything is perfect. She's just got it. It's the truth, and I only speak the truth. Some things just stay with ya you know? I had a roommate bring this DVD home one day, her stand up tour titled "Here and Now". OH MAN! We watched and watched and watched and watched aaaaannnnd watched (to the tune of Pioneer Children) it all the time. We pulled all nighters, we restarted it after people got home from dates, lunch breaks you name it. We laughed our heads off, we cried happy tears... Well over 10 years later we think of it daily, right Beach House Ladies?
These past few weeks I have had a lot on my mind. It wasn't the best of times in terms of knowing what the heck I am doing, or going to do, or should do for that matter for myself, my kids and my husband. I was laying in my bed, pondering the things that were troubling me and super stressed out when this portion of her monologue popped into my head, made me smile and snicker to myself, and then...gave me great perspective. Just watch. Feel free to find the entire thing on YouTube. You won't regret it. But for time's sake fast forward to 4:05
Last year we took a major risk into the strange world of "homeschooling". It was a huge decision to make. When I made it, I felt scared and weird that I was now apart of the "weird" stigma in society of choosing to be in charge of my child's education. I agreed that we would address the issues we were having on a personal basis by homeschooling our children who were seeming to need it the most. I found shortly after the beginning of our education, mine as well as the children's, that this was AMAZING! We learned so much more about life. By stepping out of the box of "societal norms" we learned more than just reading, phonics, spelling, journaling, science, math, art and a myriad of other things. We learned that it takes a family to really fully accomplish all that we were sent here to do. My kids learned to be self sufficient, self motivated, they learned to serve and work in the home. They learned how to grocery shop, make lists, participate in household responsibilities. Most importantly I think they re-learned how to be kids! They had hours to play, create, fight, learn, fix and explore. They worked hard, and they played hard. They talked to adults, teens and anyone they came in contact with in their community.
When we found out we were moving we agreed that we would go ahead and re-enroll them in school. We accomplished the year that we committed to, successfully! I was torn because I knew how much better off my kids were with spending this past year at home. I saw their progress, and for me, I felt that things were right as they should be. For the first time during my time as "mother" I felt like my role was being fulfilled to it's highest potential. For the first time, I saw my older kids really living up to their fullest potential. My concerns and worries for them were able to be addressed under my care and influence. I liked being their teacher and principal. It was right.
So there I lay in bed, troubled with worry and wonder if I was doing the right thing by putting them back in. School had been in for 2 weeks already. I could see my children slowly changing. They would come home fighting, tired, frustrated and comatose after a long day. I was sad, and my heart hurt because of their behavior as well as how I noticed their desire to learn had diminished. The last thing they needed was to come home from school and sit down to do homework so I knew that they were understanding the concepts being taught in their already 8 hour day. They didn't have the energy to care, and needed the time to be a child. Yet I needed to know if they were progressing and understanding the basics of education that they were being taught.
I had "tripped", all my coolness was sucked from me. I know that the public school system is full of wonderful people who care. People who work so hard for our children and our future. It is a good system to be apart of, for the most part. But I feel that there is a good, better and best in every situation. And in each family it will be different. I am in no way saying that anyone who chooses the public school system is wrong. I am a firm believe in personal revelation, individually and within families. As parents, our Father in heaven will communicate with us what he knows to be best for our personal family unit. With that being said, we "tripped" as a family, we made a mistake, and took off running so it didn't "appear" to others that we tripped, we kept the kids in school. I had Martin give me a blessing, asking for comfort. I received comfort almost immediately. For example, I could sleep that night and the next morning as I put the kids on the bus I didn't almost throw up, knowing that this was wrong, FOR US.
I didn't however ever feel at peace about it. I had a constant nagging, a persistent feeling that this wasn't right. I was so confused. I felt comfort didn't I? What was the difference between comfort and peace? I was tucking Andrue into bed about a week later when he begged for me to homeschool him again. Clearly, the words came into my mind..."beware of your stupor of thought." What? I didn't know how to interpret that either? I started to read and pray even harder for answers. When this recent throught from Jeffrey R. Holland came to mind.
We had taken the wrong road. I saw it in the behavior in my children, I felt it in our home and in my heart. Martin and I talked in depth about it. He was 100% supportive this time around and would have been happy to have me take them out the very next day. Even though we knew for certain that more thought and preparation needed to be put into this decision. It was different this time. We don't have the support like we did in Bountiful, we are now "students" ourselves and finances are different as well as the fact that the kids didn't have their base of friends and community to enjoy...and did I forget that I was HAVING A BABY in 5 weeks?
We had all those feelings and more, those concerns and more. Yeah, we tripped, we started to run, and all the onlookers were "oh so relieved" that we finally came around and put our kids in public school. Only to look across the way and say, "she stopped, She did trip, "you tripped!!! (nodding of the head, with a slight snickery smile) You tripped"". Well yes we did. But isn't that what this life is all about? Trial and error? Learning and making mistakes? I am so thankful that that is they way our existence is made for! I am thankful that through theses mistakes and through living is how we learn best.
We are not idiots. We know that this means, life with be oh so much harder. Trips to the grocery store, which I hate as it is, with 5 in tow? Managing 5 people educations in all aspects of life? Preparation for college now rests on our shoulders? Their failure can't be blamed on anyone but themselves as well as us for those things we fail to teach them. No more quiet afternoons, or moments of solitude unless they are carefully planned and executed. We are not idiots. Life will be harder. It will also be more fulfilling as we watch and witness our children fight through their struggles in a safe environment where they feel comfortable to show their struggles. We will find joy in the hard days and feel accomplishment in our endeavors as we finally figure out the new math problem. I am not sure of a more rewarding way to exist. We are supposed to work hard. It is my personal belief and understanding that life is meant to be hard. It is my belief that these Children were entrusted to Martin and me to raise in a manner that Heavenly Father sees fit. A line in my Patriarchal Blessing states, that "the greatest joy that can come to [me] in this life, is that of Motherhood." I feel the greatest joy, peace and comfort when I know that I am doing all in my power and authority, along with Martin, to prepare my children for this life and this world by following the promptings we receive and move forward in faith. Praying that where we lack, the atonement will fill in the cracks.
I read this quote today from Pres. David O. McKay at an October Conference in 1907. It's a little dated, but I feel is still relevant for me.
"Woe to that home where the Mother abandons her holy mission or neglects the divine instruction, influence and example- while she bows, a devotee at the shrine of social pressure, or neglects the essential duties of her own household, in her enthusiasm to promote public reform."
Sending our kids to school is what we do in America. But it's not going to be what we do in our home any more. With time to prepare and plan, our children from now on will be taught and educated under our supervision until we are otherwise inspired to do. This scares me! It also lights a fire inside that is unmeasurable!
*** I am in no way suggesting that those who send their children to a public schools are sinners, or less of a mother, BY ANY MEANS! This is strictly a testimony of my life and my feelings as the spirit has directed me and my husband in our personal home and family. I am in no way saying that we have to agree that this is the best thing for everyone. I am saying that this is truth for us, I know that there is personal revelation, and for that I am so thankful. Just because I receive one form of revelation does not mean that it will be the same for my friends and family. I would however ask that everyone keep an open mind, because just three short years ago, mine was completely closed to this concept, my path has been an uphill battle...and I have seen the amazing benefits of it in just one short, extremely difficult yet rewarding year. I learned that there are other ways than those that we grew up believing and understanding. I am ok with being the different, misunderstood one. I am a convert to open minded thinking and unconventional forms of education as deemed appropriate by society. There is more than one right way!
Love to you all!
